i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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