brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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