You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
