Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
