I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
