Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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