The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
