I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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