I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
