Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
