I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
