i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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