Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize