i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
