Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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