My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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