she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
