Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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