the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
