This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
