his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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