who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
