I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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