oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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