I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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