Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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