I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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