Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
