babies were throwing up all over the place
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
operation have a gay friend backfired
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
