i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
