I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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