I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize