i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize