I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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