So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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