This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
