I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
