im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
