Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
