do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
