I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
this boner is exhausting
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
