very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
