you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
