I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
