we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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