it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
