3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
