ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
