pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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