If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
