brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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