The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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