So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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