FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
