just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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