why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dick very happy bro
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
