did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
