Me too!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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