just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize