Who wears a wallet chain?!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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