i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
