im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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