I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize