Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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