I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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