Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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