Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
