Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
