He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
