My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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