I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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