I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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