Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
