matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
