I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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