I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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