there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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