I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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