I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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