I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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