Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
