Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize