I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
