The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
