I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
