I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
