I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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