Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
