Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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