whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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