Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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