She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
