So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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