Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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