I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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