were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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