Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
