Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
