I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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