never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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