M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
