I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
